The old saying is “What a difference a day makes…” Well, here I am thinking something simliar – “What a difference a year makes”. Here I was a year ago, trying (poorly) to entrench myself into a NaNo project, while getting ready for a trip to New York… and the nagging thought through most of today has been that this is the first time since 1998 (before we ever met) that I haven’t had Jenn… and to be honest, it hurts.
Now, let me be perfectly clear: I am in a wonderful relationship now. I am very happy that I the “post-March” events have led down this path, and I’m looking forward to the new future. However, and I’m sure anyone who has lost a spouse before can relate here, I’m sure there is always going to be a “what if…?” type of feeling. Like the feeling one might have about an old friend that has not been heard from in years, wondering what they may be up to – I’ll have that for the rest of my life. There are always going to be moments of wishing March 2007 had never happened. Catch-22… such is life, sometimes.
So I sit here, typing, another year older, and some of the events of the past year are still hard to absorb (for both joy and sorrow)… but I suppose only time can really help with the perspective. I can say this, for certain, though – I wouldn’t mind repeating some of the highs, but I can really do without repeating any of the year’s lows for quite some time…
Now where’s the cake?