Archive for July 10th, 2007
This is the hardest part about being a guy in today’s society – trying to really understand women. There is someone that I’ve been hanging out with (a lot) over the last couple of months, and I value her, most importantly as a friend and wonderful person, but damn if somewhere in all of that time, I’ve gotten about *this* close to falling for her.
The problem? I’m not 100% sure where she stands.
I know that, at the very least, there is a good friendship there (otherwise, we still wouldn’t be hanging out). I also know my situation is really weird, and I can appreciate it if she’s keeping a guarded position.
I’ve tried to be subtle about dropping hints that I like her, and I have received no fiery rebukes, but neither have I received any extreme signs of joy (I’m thinking I would really hate to play her in poker!)
Mentally, I’m torn between thinking about her (a lot – like, shortly after I wake up she’s usually the first thought, and quite regularly thoughout the day I’m wondering how her day is going and what she’s up to) and trying to not stress over it. We recently watched Hitch (while she was cleaning up some stuff in her apartment), and I soooo feel like the back part of the movie, where at times I’m miserable but loving every minute of it, and other times in heaven.
Any suggestions…? I’m about at the breaking point, where I want to take her someplace quiet, someplace neutral, tie on my blindfold after rolling a fesh cigarette, and stepping defianlty in front of the firing squad. If I get shot, then so be it, and if there’s a reprieve then even better – but at least there would be some direction to travel – towards closure and friendship, or towards something else.
All I need now, though, is some tobacco, and some rolling paper…